Giraffe Bone Dice

As the tallest walking skyscraper in modern times, Giraffes dominate the African savannahs with their towering height and graceful necks. Giraffes grow to 19 feet in height, and their necks are taller than every NBA Hall of Famer, even Shaquille O’Neal! Those massive necks are seriously unbelievable.  Like unicorns don’t exist because a one-horned horse is too whimsical for the real world, but a knobbly kneed horse on stilts with a 7-foot neck is perfectly believable. Fun fact: this chiropractor’s wet dream has the same number of vertebrae in its neck as you do, 7, and every one of them is a foot long.

Original Web Comic by Idiot of the East. Check out his Instagram.

Additionally, those long necks mentioned earlier are also very powerful as giraffes are known for using their necks to engage in “necking” battles with each other, where they swing their heads like a pendulum to deliver powerful blows. Male giraffes establish dominance in the social hierarchy within a herd through “necking” bouts, the winner of which gets to mate with the female giraffes of the herd. Several month later a new born baby giraffe gets yeeted in to the world from a dozen feet in the air, smashing unsanctimoniously into the ground, and within 2 hours it has to be up and running from lions, hyenas, and cheetahs or it gets turned in to dinner.  And yet somehow unicorns aren’t real, but this thing is.

Giraffes are so out of pocket they have to have specialized valves in their neck arteries to prevent their brains from being flooded with blood and passing out when they lower their heads to drink water. On top of that they only require around 30 minutes of sleep per day, often broken up into short naps. Despite their massive ungainly stature, giraffes are peaceful herbivores, that spend their days terrorizing the top of the poor unsuspecting trees that dot the savannah.